So I wouldn't say that I suffer from anxiety, or rather not in the same way I suffer from depression. That doesn't mean that it doesn't affect my life however.
Every time I decide to leave the house, without some one I'm comfortable with, every time I make a phone call, I start getting this overwhelming desire to start crying. I'll forget something I need and start panicking that every thing is going to go wrong.
It doesn't matter who I'm going to see or what I'm going to do, the overwhelming desire to simply give up and go back into bed is unbelievable.
There are many reasons for this, but I think it stems from this original idea that I have, that I never belong. I'm always someone's second choice, the odd one out, only wanted when there is no one else. (I'm not saying this is true, it's just what my brain is mostly thinking.)
I'm not saying that this is the normal reaction to going out for some one with depression, but as far as I can tell it is definitely not uncommon. We have these thoughts in our heads, telling us we're not good enough, that we're not wanted. So why would we want to go out and see people when that will only reinforce those ideas? (Again, I'm not saying that you would, I'm just saying that is how we're viewing things).
I'm not posting this as an excuse for how crappy I've been at keeping in contact this year, I'm simply posting my experiences. All I ask is that if you know someone who is suffering from depression and anxiety, please don't judge them too harshly if they're struggling to be out and about with people. Never take it personally, or assume that they don't want anything to do with you. This is hardly ever the case. Sometimes it's just too hard to get out and be among people. Please be patient.
So much love for all of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment